Chapter 9 Chapter 9 Bonding

For some reason, I thought that after writing and posting the letter, I could resolve to forget about Aoi, as if I could understand everything.To this day, Aoi has been in my heart, obsessively eroding my daily life.Today, I can regain my buoyancy like a cold passing a dangerous peak.No, it's not lightness, maybe it should be heavy.Maybe it was because it was too heavy, which made me die. The truth Chong told me swept away the mysteries and doubts of the past. stillbirth? Well, it's unavoidable after all.Chong shook his head lightly, and continued: However, she has a bigger reason for doing this.

I waited for him to speak, with the expression of a defendant awaiting judgment Your father forced her to remove it in person. How can it be! Chong stared straight at me. My father came to my place just as I was going out.Aoi, who had just returned from obstetrics and gynecology, was inside.My father's then-lover and my new mother found the fetal ultrasound on the table.After scolding Kui, the father said: Shunzheng is going to marry a wife of the right family, and he will never marry a girl who lives together secretly.He is not someone who would secretly give birth to a child without telling his parents. It seems that you deceived my son.What are you drawing?legacy?Don't think about it, I won't give you and the child in your belly a dime!

Father actually said that.It is quite possible to take him as a person.He has always coveted his grandfather's painting collection.He and the new mother teamed up to monopolize the grandfather's inheritance. Even I don't even want to get a dime, and of course I don't want my children to get a share.This idea should be stronger for new mothers than for fathers. I wrote Xiang Kui's letter of confession, knowing how painful it was for her to go through it alone.In that too cruel history, she must have cursed me.If time could be turned back, I would like to apologize to her in person.But now, she and I have both swam to the end of the long years.An apology was only possible until now.

I shouldn't ruin her happy life again.So instead of going to Italy to apologize to her in person, I at least wrote a letter expressing my apologies.I cursed myself dejectedly, and quietly moved my pen. The moment I put the letter into the mailbox, I sighed heavily and squatted on the ground, unable to move a step before the tears dried.The responsibility of knowing nothing is too great.I lean on the red mailbox, regretting the irretrievable years.What a life I lead! After knowing the truth, I no longer hold delusions.The promise to meet at the top of Florence Cathedral on Aoi's thirtieth birthday is like a faint twilight that seems to disappear.

I'm going to visit grandpa.Although my grandfather recovered to the point where he could live a normal life, he suffered a head injury when he fainted, which caused a slight language barrier.Although he understood what I meant, he couldn't give me the answer I expected.The appearance of grandpa sitting on the bed and looking out the window is distressing, and Yashi and I can't continue talking. In the afternoon, grandpa opened the sketchbook prepared by his aunt and started sketching.The lips are like a grandfather with a closed shell, but the tip of the pen is very chatty.Yashi and I looked at the painting, and the tip of the pencil held tightly by my grandfather moved smoothly on the snow-white drawing paper, gradually drawing an outline.

Ah, there it is! Yashi hurriedly looked back at me.I stare at Grandpa's profile.Protruding cheekbones and sunken eye sockets, but sharp eyesight, staring at non-existing buildings outside the window from time to time. This is Florence Cathedral!The top of the semicircular tower is the roof of Brunelleschi.Grandpa can see the street view of Florence outside the window Grandpa is silently drawing.After finishing the cathedral, I drew the old bridge across the Aruno River, then the atrium of the Holy Cross Church, and finally drew a woman.Although it was the Virgin Mary, the face was familiar.

Giovanna I muttered, and Grandpa glanced at me.The corners of the mouth still didn't move, but there was a slight smile at the corners of the eyes.It must be the image of the teacher that is clearly imprinted in Grandpa's memory. After grandpa finished drawing, he closed his eyes.I leaned closer to peek at his face, and it didn't take long for his head to droop weakly, and he began to snore. I grabbed the teacher's portrait, thinking of those sad days, and thinking of the time when the teacher taught me various skills.Today, I have neglected the technique of a restorer.Am I going to just go on doing nothing like this?

Perhaps Grandpa drew the street scenes of Florence to jog my memory. I turned my gaze to the window where Grandpa was looking at just now.A vast expanse of greenery in Musashino.I started to describe the city of memory that was buried in the history of Florence with my heart. I looked at Grandpa's sleeping face for a long while, seeing that he would not wake up for a while, so I planned to go back.While packing up, my aunt opened the door and showed her face.Her expression was gloomy and dull. I just said what's the matter? , Her father's face was exposed behind her, and my mouth froze immediately.The new mother also poked her head out from behind her father.Of course, I never acknowledged that this woman was my mother.

Hey, it looks good! My father said with a smile, with a smile on his face.His face was completely stiff due to years of lying, and it was a failure of sculpture.He moved his eyes to Yashi, looked her up and down, and sniffed like smelling. Who is this?new girlfriend? Still speaking rudely.Aoi's face suddenly flashed in his mind.That day, my father chopped up the history between me and Aoi with one sentence, and severed the bond between me and Aoi.This man has ruined my happiness. The next moment, I threw myself at my father.I don't remember what happened after that.The woman's screams surrounded me, and Yashi and my aunt desperately held me down.Dad yelled at his aunt: "Calm this guy's head!"

The nurse rushed over immediately, took me, who was extremely excited, to an empty ward, and gave me a sedative. One of my few punches hit my father in the face.Like the dull, unpleasant feeling of beating rotten wood. Because of the effect of the medicine, I fell into a deep sleep, and when I woke up, it was completely dark outside.The lights in the ward were not turned on, only a small orange indoor light was slightly on. Bud sits next to him.Knowing what I had done, I couldn't face her right away. can i ask youAfter a while, Yashi whispered.That tone didn't sound like a questioning question, but it seemed to be telling me lightly.Who is Aoi?

I am stuck answering. You yelled at your dad what did you say to Aoi?Go apologize to Aoi!Who is Aoi?Is it the classmate you painted a bunch of portraits last time?A long time ago, you used to mistake her for me and call me Aoi during sex.Tell me, who is Aoi?Can't you forget her by now?What's between you and her?You said give me and Aoi's child back, that is Yashi said this in one breath, with tears in his eyes and remained silent.I look away. It was a long time ago.She is the girl I dated in my school days. You have kids? Ah, that was only for a short time.The child is no more, a miscarriage. I was surprised at what I said, full of sadness.is no longer there.is no longer there.Human selfishness kills children.As if I killed it with my own hands. In the quiet hospital, time also passed without error.The second hand marks the time.The unique smell of the hospital is not annoying like the original impression of life.The image of me, who was mentally ill, immersed in the sea of ​​alcohol drugs appeared in my mind. At that time, Aoi went to the hospital alone, and performed treatment by herself.She kept everything from me and acted on her own.She doesn't need me after all!A person who does not rely on anyone when suffering.A person with a strong personality who always decides everything by himself.As for me, I am obsessed with, yearn for and curse her at the same time. You can't forget Aoi now! Yashi's voice trembled in the dark. Wouldn't it be nice that we would never see each other again, never fall in love again? I felt a little intoxicated in my own words, and secretly regretted it. However, Aoi is still in your heart, right? Even if it is, it can't be done. But she is here! I am stuck answering.In the silence, Yashi's voice gradually became emotional. I don't know what happened between you, you said it cruelly, but it's clear.Although this matter has nothing to do with me, you obviously have someone you can't forget, yet you keep me by your side and treat me as a substitute! The embankment of emotion that he tried so hard to suppress finally collapsed, and Yashi burst into tears.Sobs echoed in the room.I peer into her face. Let me make it clear first, I am me, not someone's substitute, and I absolutely don't want to do that. Yashi, I didn't associate with you with that kind of thinking. But Yashi's emotions were already beyond restraint, and his voice gradually became rough.I know her mood very well. I don't want sympathy either.There is no crueler act for a woman than sympathetic intercourse. wait a minute! I stopped Yashi who wanted to leave.I was about to get up when the pain from the rough day ran across my chest.When Yashi opened the door, he stopped and turned around.The light from the corridor shone in, and she was like a silhouette.Has she always been a silhouette to me?impossible.But the words to deny that thought did not come out of my throat after all.I couldn't tell what kind of expression she had. I didn't love you to fill the emptiness of Aoi's absence, as long as you still drag the past, I can't love you again.The insulted love makes me too painful. Yashi left vaguely.The door closed again, and the room darkened.I sighed, what day is this!As a restorer, what should I restore first?What part of this bad painting should be fixed?What about applying wax to correct the picture?Or is it time to fix the curvature of the frame?Or patch up the moth-eaten holes?Or should I change the frame first?Or should it be re-framed?Without a clue, extreme fatigue hit me like a sea wave. I got out of bed thinking I couldn't stay here forever Late at night, when I got home, the light on the answering machine kept blinking.I walked slowly to the phone and pressed the button.I press play, no sound.I boiled water to make coffee.Thinking blankly, is Yashi calling? I sat at the desk drinking coffee, staring at the pictures on the wall, then got up again, went to the phone, and pressed the answering machine. You have an incoming call.mechanical answer.I reversed the tape and started playback.For one second, two seconds, three seconds, the other party remained silent.I put it close to my ear, and there was a tiny whirring sound from the microphone. The moment he thought that the other party might be calling from far away, he had a sudden intuition that it couldn't be Aoi's call, right?I trembled all over.Because the call was hung up abruptly, I pressed the play button again.The tape is reversed.I put my ear closer to the microphone.The whistling sound was not a simple line noise, it seemed to be the faint sound of rain over there.The sky in Tokyo is clear.According to the weather forecast, the whole of Japan should be sunny today. As soon as the replay started, the faint sound of someone holding their breath was heard.It seemed to me that it sounded like Aoi's voice.Only the address was written on the letter, but this address has not changed for more than ten years.It wouldn't be surprising if she remembered the number here and called.Is it really her? I hit the answering machine play button again.The tape was reversed and started playing after a click.The sound of rain, the sound of breathing, and a hard sound was heard.It was the hard sound of closing the door before the phone was hung up that was recorded. I grabbed the phone and when I came back to my senses I was dialing the country number for Italy.Yingzhu answered the phone.I can't immediately tell what time it is in Italy.I don't know why Yingzhu came to answer the phone so easily.In the non-reality that is half like a dream, there is a long-lost connection with Italy. She was very happy to receive my call and asked what's the matter in Italian?Is Yashi okay? .I dealt with it absent-mindedly, briefly telling her about life here, my relationship with Yashi, and so on.Yingzhu smiled and said, yes, living anywhere is hard.I couldn't help noticing how I felt on the other end of the phone.The unique noise of the international call tugs at my eardrum persistently.So I asked her. It's sunny now!Um?Milan?Do you want to know the weather in Milan?Wait, I'm going to get the newspaper. Yingzhu put down the microphone.A rattling noise.What happened to my impetuous heart?I told myself to calm down!Calm down and understand.It was impossible for Aoi to call.I have been so cruel to her, she will not forgive me for a letter.Moreover, Aoi is now at the pinnacle of happiness, so she should not want to think about the misfortune of the past. When I think about it, I feel lighter.Everything is a fantasy caused by my overthinking.Stop thinking about such silly things! There was a rattling sound again, and Yingzhu's laughter was heard. I thought you haven't called for so long, who knew that you called to ask about the weather in Milan. I say sorry. It's raining! As Yingzhu said, I froze. It's raining, it's sunny here, but it's been raining all day over there.The rain clouds over northern Europe have started to move southward. It looks like it will rain tomorrow. Thank you. What's the matter? Nothing, let's talk another day! Are you going to hang up?Are the buds okay?Are you there?She chased after you. Just here, now gone. left? Um. Why?You called suddenly just to ask about the weather in Milan?If you hang up the phone like this, won't I be more confused?What happened to Yashi? I slowly closed my eyes and said: After knowing that I still have someone I can't forget, Yashi left here. I said goodbye to Yingzhu, put down the microphone, and pressed the play button on the answering machine again.The tape is reversed.The loudspeaker blares the sound of rain. From the second day on, I became a person waiting, waiting for Aoi to call without leaving the room.However, after a week I didn't receive it.Yashi didn't come back either.What happened to the beaten father?is grandpa as healthy as ever Only time passes in front of me coldly.I can't help but feel pain when I think about the meaning of being in love.I thought I would finally be liberated and relieved after writing the letter, but I didn't expect it to be even more sad than before.I'm also worried about buds.She left everything to take refuge in me, but I was dragged into the bottomless abyss. Yashi's luggage is still here.Does she know anyone in Tokyo?Buds and sunflowers.Two completely different statues of women stand in front of me. I think it's not enough to find a job.Only work can be liberated from all this.Only by putting in the work and forgetting about it all.I can't let my hard-earned restoration techniques rot here. I want to visit the restoration center introduced by my grandfather. I want to let my grandfather see my future when he is physically and mentally stable. I want him to see me working hard.No, this idea is too naive.I have to work for myself, not for someone else.After I told myself that again, I got up and changed my clothes. The paintings hanging on the wall say that the most important thing for human beings is bondage.Although this work does not draw people, it only carefully depicts a corner of a lonely and deserted village in South America. The light from the sky falls on the ground, and the wild flowers in the dark alleys emerge. Should I get that bond back?I put on my shoes. The moment he reached out to open the door, the phone rang.Reflexively, I hurriedly took off my shoes, rushed back to the room, and grabbed the microphone.But the expectation was in vain, it was Aunt Wen Jiang. I hid my disappointment and told her I was looking for a job. There was a restoration center introduced by my grandfather, and the director asked me to meet and talk. Great!My aunt's voice returned to her usual calm. Grandpa was discharged from the hospital today, and it was a bit inconvenient to speak, but his daily life was fine, and the doctor said it was okay to go home. Yeah?That's great. He'll be happy when you drop by when you get back from the restoration. But Your dad is back in New York, and he left as soon as he saw grandpa recover. Aunt snorted and laughed.I whispered: really? He probably hoped that grandpa was dead!It's a pity that the hope was dashed.Although I said that I was relieved to see you healthy, but my face was ugly, and I finally asked if I had made a will. I sigh. Did he say anything about me? Didn't say anything, just said it was probably a rebellious age! How could it be? Yes, but it's better for you to slow down your pace of life. Seeing you like this is like seeing me in the past. before? Well, I used to be always psychologically unbalanced and restless.It looks stable on the outside, but there is always dissatisfaction in the heart.At first, I was annoyed that I was not recognized by the painting circle because I was a woman.It is definitely sexist to paint a masterpiece and not be recognized.There are also people who say behind my back that I am able to move freely in the painting world under the name of my grandfather, and these people are still there.But those who can say this are mostly guys without talent, I don't care. I was a little surprised that my aunt rarely talked about herself. At that time, I often regretted that it would have been better if it hadn't been a woman.However, now I have a completely different idea.Artists don't need to worry about such trivial matters at all, as long as they believe that they can definitely succeed.Whether male or female, whether famous or successful, these have nothing to do with creative activities.People must face everything more naturally, so I followed my grandfather and wandered around the world after divorcing my ex-husband.It was a good experience, and I learned a little about people. Why are you telling me this? ah what? You never said that before. Because I hate being nosy. Why bother now? Is it not good?Because we are related by blood! I muttered: Is it blood relationship? Seeing you like this, suffering from too many obstacles, just like me before.Artists cannot be dominated by mental barriers. I snorted coldly. It's a pity that I am not an artist, but a craftsman, just a restorer who restores the works of artists. No, I don't think so.You have chosen not the magician's work of mere recovery art, but the art of making time.Restorers are brilliant artists, and they use time as their material. Yeah?I said, no other words.Aunt said to go back to the restoration work!Then hang up the phone. I always thought that my aunt was the same as my father, which seems to be a big misunderstanding.It should be what my father said to me, but it was said by my aunt, who quietly cast a beam of light on me.I raised my eyes suddenly, and my eyes stopped on Grandpa's works. At this time, the phone rang again.I picked up the microphone, hello, I'm Agata.There was no immediate response.The cold wind blows through my heart, and my heart beats violently. Sorry, wrong number. After a few seconds of blankness, the other party hung up after saying this.Sudden long blanks. sunflower! I yell into the microphone.But the line has been broken, only the regular signal sound from the microphone.