Chapter 11 Chapter Eleven March

When I was a kid I hated Sundays because my father was home. While my father was wandering around the house, I must have been hiding in my room with the door locked. To obliterate my father's presence, I turn up the volume on the radio.Looking through the window at the energetic people walking into Central Park, I feel that I am the only one imprisoned in the cage of this city. March.The plum-appreciating families gathered from Tokyo with the old and the young are busy at Hanegi Park on Sundays.I don't hate plum appreciation, but I can't stand the picture of bringing my family with me.So I got on the tram and wanted to stay as far away from Hanegi Park as possible.

The year 2000 has passed, and I still live a life that clings to the memories of eight years ago.Humans are animals that unite hope and the future.But I am not, a little animal who works as a restorer and cherishes the past. Compared with cherry blossoms, plums with small red flowers are more simple and humble.Aoi and I always look up at this flower and talk about the future.Marriage, childbirth, parenting, family, old age, as long as we have time, we imagine the future of the two of us.For those of us without money, imagining the future is an elegant game. I want two kids.She looked at Meihua and said.

I naively agree: it would be happier to have a brother or sister!At that time, we couldn't imagine the misfortune of the way. Today, I welcome the year 2000, but I am living a life in which I cannot get rid of the past.He also broke up with Yashi, and only lived for the fulfillment of the agreement with Aoi.That vague promise was to meet at the top of Florence Cathedral on Aoi's birthday in May 2000 AD.A promise made while talking and laughing when I was a student.But if I can remember, I cannot say that she has forgotten.I know there's a good chance she'll forget.But people's psychology is that as long as the possibility is not zero, they want to gamble.The nearer the appointed time, the more sublime it is in my heart.

After that, I called three times to the apartment in Milan where Aoi lived.No one picked up the first time, but a man picked up the second time. Pronto (Hi)! Because it was a man's voice, I kept silent.I didn't speak, and the other party remained silent.When I called the third time, there was the same silence. Suddenly, the man said in Japanese: Aoi is not here. I was startled, and put down the phone without saying anything, but the man's anxious voice kept lingering in my ears.Aoi is not here, what does that mean?At first I thought it was going out, but after a while, I thought it might mean that Aoi is no longer here?

Why I think so, I can't even say.Because there seemed to be a sense of indifference in the man's voice, and because the words made me feel that she was no longer here, so stop calling.If so, I can make another phone call and ask in Italian.But I picked up the phone several times, but I didn't press the number after all. Only past lives.I don't think it's pitiful to live with an emphasis on the unforgettable time, and I don't think it's boring to live a life chasing a past that never returns.People only talk about the future, but I can't ignore the past.I can't let go of me humming the lyrics of J-pop songs from time to time and wanting to go back to that day.

Get off the tram at Zushigu Dazang.Compared with Seijo Gakuen-mae Station, it used to be a simple and dirty station, but now a brand-new building has been built, and the appearance of the station has completely changed, giving it a very modern feel.Aoi's apartment is a five-minute walk along the southern track towards Chengcheng.The road has been widened and is no longer what it used to be.Unexpectedly, in only eight years, the memory has been greatly reduced. I gradually picked up my pace.It was raining lightly, and the clothes were wet, but before the memory swarmed up, the rain could only make negligible resistance.

The apartment has not been damaged and is left in place.Many new houses were built around, and the vacant land was filled with cement to turn it into a parking lot. Only the building in memory still remains the same as it was at that time, standing in place. The white walls were severely faded as if they could not withstand the erosion of time and wind and snow, but there seemed to be a remnant of Aoi's life inside. At that time, we often stayed in each other's apartment and continued to have a semi-cohabiting relationship, but we didn't live together formally, and we just came and went like that.It was Aoi who said that they should be well separated from each other and opposed to living together.That is the correct judgment.Maybe she'll see more of my ugliness if we live together.

I quietly walked up the stairs, the new owner's name plate hung on the door.I close my eyes and imagine what it's like inside.The memory of that time came to life.The arrangement of the furniture, the pattern of the wallpaper, the lighting conditions, the smell of the room, the feeling of the bed when I made love with Aoi, the Aoi who read a book, the Aoi who cooked, the Aoi who watched TV, the Aoi who cleaned, and the Aoi who dried clothes. memory.All kinds of memories that I have almost forgotten, come to my mind one by one and disappear Suddenly, the door handle was turned, and the door in front of me suddenly opened, revealing the face of a strange girl, which startled me.The strange girl found me standing in front of the door and exclaimed.I hurriedly said sorry, I made a mistake, turned around and ran down the stairs.

Came outside the apartment and ran for some reason.There is no turning back.The rain picked up and slapped my cheeks.I ran at full speed like chasing a fading memory.Aoi, Aoi, Aoi, my only Aoi After crossing the railway tracks, crossing the road, running up the ramp, avoiding the crowd, and running for ten minutes, I arrived at Dacheng University.small university.It's like an extended high school life, a university where everything feels good.Most importantly, it is the university where Aoi and I met. The rain intensified and I was completely drenched.In the beating of raindrops, I ran into the school gate.School has not started yet, and there are few people.I rushed directly downhill to Wenlian Pavilion.Passing by the pond, there is a tree of nostalgia, a chestnut tree, the place where Aoi and I first kissed.Aoi leaned against the trunk, just under the tree, and I hugged Aoi tightly.

I ran to the point where I could hardly breathe, tears streaming down my face.When love is powerless, people can only become trees sunflower. I cried out.My voice melted into the crashing rain. sunflower. In the rain wall beating fiercely on the ground, the field of vision is as hazy as smoke, even swallowing my existence. The next day, Takanashi called the studio.The office lady walked into the empty workplace, and said Mr. Takanashi called as if she had given the password, and disappeared after saying that there was something urgent. At first, the name Takanashi and the word urgent could not be connected together in my mind. I didn't know what to do, and my eyes fled to the scenery outside the window.The sun shone brightly on the green leaves of the trees.

As soon as the office phone was close to my ear, I heard the sound of ocean waves.I don't know where Takanashi called from, and my thoughts wandered in the distance. The teacher died, and his words made me think of shells washed ashore.A beautiful white shell, reflecting rainbow light from time to time. Takanashi didn't know about Giovanna's death either, saying that Angelo had notified her, but Takanashi didn't speak directly to Angelo either, it was passed down from generation to generation in the office.The man said that Angelo did say in English that Giovanna had committed suicide. In order to ascertain the truth, I called to Italy. The news of Giovanna's death was confirmed from the owner of the painting shop who took good care of me during my studies.In the studio on the top floor of the empty studio, he was shot through the head with a 38-caliber pistol and died. Neither Milan nor Florence is near the sea, but I keep hearing the waves lapping on the coast of Italy. I only went out once with Giovanna.The seaside town of Marotta, about three hours drive south from Venice, is a summer resort crowded with hipsters.My teacher and I rented a log cabin and vacationed like a mother and son. Every morning, my teacher and I take a walk on the deserted beach. The Adriatic Sea shimmers.The teacher is like a substitute for my mother to me. Following behind the teacher, I feel like I am walking with my mother. On the last night of the trip, I cried in a dream about my mother whom I had never met, and woke up Giovanna who was sleeping in the next bed.Giovanna crept up to my bedside and hugged me tenderly.I fell asleep on Giovanna's full breasts.The sweet scent of lavender essential oil, which she loves, brings peace to my mind. When he woke up the next morning, Giovanna's sleeping face was in front of him.Sculpture-like three-dimensional skeleton, the face of an Italian artist.I look at my mother with the eyes of a son, staring at her closed eyelids and the corners of her tightly pursed mouth. Then kiss that lip lightly. I explained to the studio in detail and kept the job.Borrow some money from grandpa.When I told him about Giovanna's death, he muttered that the life of the living is to suffer grief, and I nodded slightly.I only carry a small bag.Lock the room, bid farewell to the plum blossoms in Hanegi Park, and set off for Italy.The Tokyo haze is faintly visible outside the window of the gradually climbing plane. It was the last Sunday in March to enter Florence via Rome. As soon as you walk out of Santa Maria Novella Station, the low and peaceful street scene of Florence unfolds before your eyes.The appearance of the building with a sense of unity and the streets are calmly integrated.I can't imagine that the teacher committed suicide with a pistol in the most leisurely city in the world. Carrying a small bag, I walked in the missing city after two years.Because I came in a hurry, the feeling of walking in Florence like this seems unreal.The scenery in front of me has not changed from two years ago.Unlike Tokyo, which is gradually changing, there is a rule not to desecrate the city's appearance, so there are no new buildings, and I am afraid that the appearance will remain the same in a hundred years. It is not difficult to imagine the patience of the residents of Florence.Perhaps this kind of patience was a disaster, and the teacher committed suicide because of it. Incredibly, the closer I got to the city center, the more I understood the teacher's death.In this unchanging street, the only option for wanting some kind of change is death. Going around Station Street, the dome on top of the cathedral, which is one round larger than the surrounding buildings, blocks the view.The cathedral stands elegantly in the streetscape of Florence formed by low-rise buildings.Seeing it again, I was still overwhelmed by it. When I lived here, because the living space was too low, I didn't realize its height and majesty.After returning after two years, from the perspective of tourists, it is as majestic as a king who reigns over this ancient capital. Not fancy.In contrast to the dazzling splendor of the Milan Cathedral, its solemn appearance has a kind of reasonable beauty, unlike the resplendent temple Buddha statues in Southeast Asia, but like the serenity and silence of Nara and Kyoto in Japan. I stopped in the square and looked up at the cathedral.The large dome more than 100 meters high is covered like a big hand-knitted woolen hat.Add an Arabian-style hut at the top.That's where I promised Aoi. A promise to meet.Of course it was ordered before Aoi took away the child.The two are still making vows to each other in the atmosphere of love. Later, I blamed her excitedly, didn't understand her painful position, and unilaterally cut off this relationship, so I don't think her mood at that time can continue to the present, remembering this small agreement. However, in the sense of making amends for what I have done, I thought that even if I was alone, I would have to step up the long and narrow stairs of the cathedral.There is also an apology to the doubles we sacrificed in our youth. My neck is sore from looking up for too long.I pressed the cold back of my neck and stepped forward again.I'm going to go to Angelo and ask about the teacher's cemetery.Incredibly, I felt the teacher was there all the time.It felt like the spirit of the teacher came to pick me up as the train slipped into the station. I see Giovanna's soul. She must have lived with intense regret after that incident.The heaviness of that soul passed into my hands. The desire to find Angelo faded.Although sooner or later I have to worship the teacher, but at this moment I want to smell the precipitation air of this city, stroll slowly in it, and quietly mourn for Giovanna. Walk alone in the streets of Florence until dusk.Because the city is not big, I occasionally met former acquaintances, but did not say hello.All this is but a memory scene to me. Although I feel the call of the teacher's soul, I want to breathe this city. The sun had fully set when we visited Young Joo's apartment.She hasn't come back yet.The Brazilian girl who lived in Yashi's former room said she would be back soon, and made coffee for me. I told her that my friend used to live in your room, so she let me see the inside of the room.The desk and bed are still the same as before, and since nothing has changed, there is a strange atmosphere.There is no way to go back to that time.I inevitably have a little regret.But Yashi's words suddenly flashed through his mind. It's okay if someone else loves me! I don't know what the point of breaking up with Yashi is.Maybe it will be like breaking up with Aoi again, endlessly. Life is a continuum of regrets.But now I have no choice but to wait for May.My future is just this one and only May.Everything else is gone.What am I doing?What do you want to do?I can't imagine going further into the future than May. Reuniting with Yingzhu means reuniting with the past.I hugged her wordlessly, many thoughts flooded my mind, and I was at a loss for words.Because I was hugging too hard and never wanted to let go, she sensed that I was not in the right mood, so she stood still and waited for me to recover.This kind of intimacy arises from the lack of relationship with each other.I seem to deliberately reject kindness, even Yashi refused, indulging in the loneliness of self-inflicted. I told Yingzhu that I hadn't decided where to live yet, and she immediately called the hotel where my old classmate worked to reserve a room for me.There is so much to say, but I am too tired to speak. I told her that Giovanna was dead, and Eunjoo nodded and said it was big news here too, but didn't say much. Yingzhu accompanied me to the hotel.Because I drank hot coffee at Yingzhu's side, my mood regained a bit of calm.After staying in a cheap hotel on the banks of the Aruno River, the two went to the restaurant on the first floor for dinner.We sat by the window of an empty restaurant.Because I haven't eaten well in the past two days, I feel that the food is very delicious.Yingzhu smiled and looked at me who was chewing. Well, it's okay to have an appetite. I stopped and looked at Yingzhu's white, tender and plump face.Smiling eyes traced a gentle arc.I eat a lot.The nostalgic taste of Tuscan cuisine that I haven't seen for a long time shakes my memory again. Calm down!Yingzhu asked in fluent Italian. Her language ability is better than before, but I can't grasp the rhythm, and sometimes the bull's head is wrong, and the corners of the mouths of both of them are loose. There is such a thing! After talking about Yashi, I took some time to talk to a third party about Hekui's past for the first time.I didn't even mention it to Grandpa and Giovanna.It's not that I want Yingzhu to understand me, but when I tell Yingzhu, it seems to be talking to myself.I opened the memory and wandered in my past. So you were here until May?After a while, a voice asked.I looked up in astonishment, and Yingzhu was staring at my face.I completely forgot that Young Joo was here. Although it was the death of the teacher that made me take heavy steps to come here, but I feel that the reason I came back again is more because of the agreement with Aoi.Although I am saddened by the death of the teacher, on the other hand, I am also anxious because the promise is approaching.Although the reunion with Aoi and the death of the teacher are two different things, they inhabit my heart at the same time inconceivably.Although immersed in the sorrow of the teacher's death, at this moment I began to feel alive again. Yingzhu nodded. I don't think Aoi still remembers the agreement.Nevertheless, I broke up with Yashi and took a gamble on this agreement.Yashi loves me so much, although I really want to respond as much as possible. Responding to this statement is insulting to Yashi, don't say it. Yingzhu's voice was very gentle. Sorry, I didn't mean to.Yashi's flawless love brought me incomparable meaning.I like sprouts, and I'm not being nice.However, I can't forget Aoi.When I started dating Yashi, I thought that I might forget Aoi.I must apologize to Yashi for this impure motive.I liked her and thought maybe I would like her more, but no.As time passed, Aoi swelled and magnified in my mind like never before.I can't forget.Aoi must be someone I will never forget in my life. Yingzhu nodded.I also stopped talking.Because she can understand Yashi's feelings.After I said sorry, I regretted it.Who do I want to tell it to?Imagining how much the former roommate is suffering under the sky of Tokyo at this moment, it is impossible for Yingzhu to have cheap sympathy and approval. If you have anything, please contact me anytime! Thank you for listening to my whining till the end We shook hands and said goodbye on the banks of the Aruno.Yingzhu looked up at the sky.Although it is March, the temperature is still cold.The sky was clear and full of stars twinkling. I envy you for loving someone like that.Yingzhu uttered these words faintly, and then said: I envy people who abandon everything and go to the end of the world for love. I also look up to the sky.There are constellations that are often seen when in Tokyo. I once had such a beloved person.He is now teaching at a university in Seoul.I wanted to see him but couldn't, because he has a family, a happy life, and social responsibilities.I left that country because I couldn't stay there anymore.Just staying here and continuing to erase the past is also because there is no other place worth going. There were tears in Yingzhu's eyes.The tears reflected the light of the street lamps, glowing and wriggling like creatures. Unforgettable person (Una persona non posso dimenticare)!I don't know how he is now? Yingzhu's voice disappeared with the northwest wind blowing across the Aruno River.I watched Yingzhu's back.It looks like Giovanna, also like Yashi, and also like Aoi.The stars streak across the far end of the sky.Before I had time to make a wish on the shooting star, the star was swallowed by the universe in an instant. Curled up on a hard bed in a cheap hotel, I hug myself to sleep.I don't know what impulse to choose such a painful life.I told myself that if I really couldn't forget Aoi, I would go to Milan to see her now, but I ended up sighing and dying. I had a dream. I am in a scene I have seen several times.The moment I recognized Central Park in winter, I knew I was in a dream.In front of her lay the dead body of her mother.Snowflakes fluttered, covering half of mother's body.I ran over, trying to shake my mother awake.But that wasn't Mom, it was Giovanna with a bleeding head.I let go of my hand in surprise, and the teacher's body sank into the snow.Strong winds blew, and the teacher's body was covered in snow.In the snow-white scenery, the blood that the teacher bleeds vividly stains the world.The teacher's eyes were open, with transparent tears flowing out, and the eyes were staring somewhere.Teacher, teacher!I called, but there was no answer.I burst into tears.In the dream, I realized that the teacher was dead. I was awakened by my own crying.In a dark hotel room.Although I woke up, the crying did not stop.I continued to cry as if pouring out all my accumulated emotions.Contorting his face, he cried as if letting everything out.I want to let out all the karma accumulated in my body with tears.